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Metal Gear Match!

Your dating options when the world has plunged into flames!

By Roy JonesPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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Sniper Wolf is bat shit crazy!

The world has plunged into a time where war is routine with the occupation of soldier being the most popular occupation. Think a combination of Metal Gear Solid 4, where the lifestyle has became military. Refugees are common place, rations a must, and gunfights a definite!

Your day to day life is survival and combat; will you survive?

Your answer has to be yes, or you fail to function as the soldier you have become. Yet between the gunfights behind the ammo crates; you need to have a personal life. Espionage still exists amongst the ranks, but so does the desire to enjoy your life. Here I want to give you your choices for a hookup amongst your ranks based on the female characters of Metal Gear Solid. Will your date lead to happy ever after, or a quick blade to the spinal column during a passionate tryst!

1. Meryl Silverburgh

Sexy yet domineering; Meryl lives for the military.

You're part of the 'Genome Army' when you spy this 18 year old hottie in the ranks. One of the very few females in your unit; the competition is going to be stiff. That said she's even had psychotherapy to destroy her interest in men, and make her a better soldier. She's going to be a tough one to 'woo,' as her dedication to her country makes her one of the few who doesn't take part in the 'Genome Army uprising.'

Yes Meryl is going to take a lot of time to get to know you before she wants to get naked with you. Look at who she finally falls for in Metal Gear Solid 4; that Akiba dude who's probably a below average soldier with a the personality of a nerd. Also would you want to get with her? She gives Akiba the odd kicking now and again. After meeting Snake she gives the poor guy an uppercut to the chin. Yeah you will have to put in the graft with this dedicated soldier who isn't going to want to break protocol with you if it means undermining her superiors.

2. Sniper Wolf

Special Forces Sniper with a touch of lunatic.

Sniper Wolf is a woman who is more specialised in her unit but with psychotic tendencies. Born into war as a Kurdish refugee, it appears a hard life of trauma has taken its toll on the gorgeous 40 year old sniper of Fox Hound. Supposedly able to wait for days and days without food or water watching for a target; she may be mentally unstable, as she is awesome at her job. This is evident from her tendency to fall in love with her targets before she kills them; something a normal person doesn't do. She also has a strange fetish of marking her targets with a scratch before she kills them. I'm presuming this is captured targets, and not people who are to be killed on missions. A very cold woman, she shoots a soldier to use as bait for her true target. An absolute expert at her craft though, she uses their tattoo as the target. Addicted to diazepam, she shows compassion to wolves who share her code name. Possible to hook up with her; definitely but don't expect an easy ride. The best way to this woman's heart is probably to believe in her cause. In her first game appearance she's involved in mega terrorist action. Despite being good at her job she sounds naive and easily led. As far as sexual action goes I think you might at least get a blowjob in the armoury of Alaska. You may even get a quickie in the toilets near Psycho Mantis' office. The male competition of a special forces unit Fox Hound may be stiff though. Especially when there's a clone of Big Boss involved who's ripped shreds; approach her at your own risk.

3. Naomi Hunter

Loyalty to herself or to you?

I wouldn't expect any type of loyalty from this next one, as she is the embodiment of a spy. A genius who mapped the human genome to specify soldier genes; it appears Naomi's only weakness is men. So at the very least you'll get to lie with this minx, but don't expect any long term commitment. She flirts with Snake in the first game before trying to kill him, which shows her mindset. She returns in the fourth game sleeping with both Otacon and Vamp; showing she'll sleep with absolutely anyone, as you can't even compare those two people. Vamp is a brutish soldier who will also sleep with any man or woman and Otacon is a lab geek with genius intellect. My advice is to sleep with this military scientist, but stick a blade or a gun underneath your pillow. Also don't let the bitch inject you with anything, or you might end up dying and taking those around with you.

So can you date a woman from the world of Metal Gear?

Personally I think not, as they all seem to have violent tendencies with delusions of right and wrong. If you want to risk it I would go for the quick sexual tryst option. If you're not involved in hijacking a weapon like Metal Gear I would wait for your next shore leave before getting involved with a female. Even the sensible option of Meryl is pretty violent when you think about it; best not to mix business and pleasure.

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Roy Jones

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