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Why 'Kingdom Hearts III' Just Didn't Cut It

We need to finally admit that Tetsuya Nomura's latest release was not the masterpiece we'd envisaged.

By Laura HollidayPublished 5 years ago 13 min read
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Image via Hitc.com

The year that Kingdom Hearts II came out was the same year I got my first period. It was the year that I started secondary school. And it was also the last year that my parents were happily married. Every single other significant event in my life: my first kiss, my first job, my graduation, you name it, happened during the gap between Kingdom Hearts II and Kingdom Hearts III. I, like many others, lived an entire lifetime between those two games.

That's not to say I am one of those people who believes there are only three Kingdom Hearts games. I also played some of the "side games," though Birth by Sleep was the only one I found really enthralling–or, if we’re being honest, even finished. Perhaps more importantly though, I fully immersed myself in the lore of the game and the fandom, watching early YouTube cosplay series, such as Demyx Time–which oddly enough got a shout out in Kingdom Hearts III (yes, 2019 really is wild)–and writing what would now be considered problematic fan fiction. My current attitude towards shipping Axel and Roxas together is the same as my attitude towards pugs. What I thought was cute aged 14 is wrong, wrong, wrong!Adolescent misconceptions aside, I was extremely excited for the game's hotly anticipated release. Early reviews were outstanding, but I remained skeptical. To me, the ending to Kingdom Hearts II had been tied up so nicely, that to open it again risked unwinding years of character development for the sake of cheap fan service. That was my biggest fear. And, unfortunately, it came true.

Not only that, but four months on, and now with the release of the highly anticipated critical mode, I feel quite alone in my disappointment. Whilst a prominent subsection of Twitter and the odd YouTuber agrees with me, the media seems reluctant to admit that this game was a failure. So naturally, I've attempted to address this–by compiling a list of absolutely every single thing wrong with Kingdom Hearts III (though I'll be leaving out the combat side of things, as Square Enix are clearly now responding to criticism about the game being too "easy"). Buckle up my friends, cause it's long.

Where are all the 'Final Fantasy' characters?

This is a biggie. Even flawless reviews have been quick to point out that what was originally 50 percent of the series' overall concept was completely absent from its latest installment. In the first Kingdom Hearts game, the player was immediately thrust into Destiny Islands which–despite being an original Kingdom Hearts world–was littered with Final Fantasy characters like Tidus, Selphie, and Wakka. Placing these characters in Sora's home-world told us that they were friendly and trustworthy, and introduced non-Final Fantasy fans to the series in a palatable way. This continued with characters such as Leon (Squall) and Tifa in Traverse Town, along with Cloud and Sephiroth, who prove to be formidable opponents in the Olympus Coliseum. I had never heard of Final Fantasy before I played Kingdom Hearts (shameful I know, but I was 12), and as soon as I finished the game I went straight out and bought Final Fantasy VII. Final Fantasy characters not only made the worlds feel more alive and exciting, but watered down the Disney for a more adult audience.

Fast forward 15 years, and what have we got now? Shops run by moogles. That is literally fucking it. Well done everyone.

Image Via DBLTAP

Tiny, Undeveloped Worlds

On the Disney side of things, we once again have the privilege—or rather curse in this case, as you’ll soon see—of traversing through all of our favorite worlds. But, unlike in Kingdom Hearts I and II, where worlds were vast playgrounds to explore with as much effort put in as was graphically possible, in Kingdom Hearts III they are empty, hollow shells. Toybox is pretty much one room, you can’t even visit the castle in Arendelle, and 100 Acre Wood is basically a jazzed up game of Bejewelled. No, honestly.By far the worst victim of this butchering though is the Kingdom Hearts II original world, Twilight Town. A thriving community in prior games: characters visited locations like the Clock Tower, "Sandlot," Usual Spot, and the Haunted Mansion, some during the gameplay itself, and some during cutscenes. We were dying to be able to explore them in Kingdom Hearts III, but unfortunately, the game transformed this once bustling hub into a tiny, pathetic town, and a Bistro that you can’t even go inside. In fact, I can’t think of one building in this whole godforsaken game that you can actually enter. Come on, even the early Grand Theft Auto games had that! Immersion and world-building have been truly sacrificed here for the sake of aesthetic beauty, ingredient-gathering (more on that later!) and being able to run up walls Prince of Persia style, as if that was all we wanted from this title.

Image via IGN Entertainment

Let me fight Disney villains.

They say you always remember your first kill... I remember my first Disney one. It was Clayton from Tarzan, and I can't tell you the satisfaction I got from plunging my keyblade into that arrogant old **censored** during Kingdom Hearts' Deep Jungle world. All right, he didn't technically "die," and the main battle was against that mutant-hybrid-invisible-lizard thing, but for a brief few minutes, I got to fight against a villain who I had always despised. And it didn't end there—I grappled with Jafar, Oogie Boogie, and easily the most formidable: Ursula. Kingdom Hearts II built on this concept further, allowing players to battle villains as infamous as Scar, whilst also introducing new enemies with the Organization XIII members. What the first Kingdom Hearts games do so beautifully is allow the two to coexist—not only do both original and Disney villains have significant weighting in the overall plot of the games, they also team up on various occasions to further antagonize Sora, Donald, and Goofy, which is pretty great.But, Kingdom Hearts III is different. Unfortunately, for some inexplicable reason, all Disney villains possess the innate inability to a) avoid any sort of face to face combat, and b) transform into the creature of their choice when threatened. This isn't absurdist, black comedy film The Lobster for God's sake. It's not like Kingdom Hearts III was short of opportunities either. Monsters Inc's Randall would have been a perfect choice, not only because the main Monstropolis storyline involves withstanding his snarky comments on the intercom—but also as the game’s main audience, millennials, grew up with the film. Mother Gothel is another lost cause, and don’t even get me started on Toy Story. Sid, Zerg, Lotso, none of these canonical Toy Story villains even appear in the game, let alone have their own battle sequence. Luckily, we do have the chance to fight against Pirates of The Caribbean’s Davy Jones, but this provides very little relief when the rest of the game robs us of our favorite characters completely.

Image via YouTube

Speaking of villains... what's up with Organization XIII?

I came for the Disney. I stayed for the original characters, especially Organization XIII. As a teenage "weaboo," there was something weirdly appealing about a group of guys with multicolored hair who all lived together and had, let's say, interesting relationships. As an adult, I now know that queerbaiting is incredibly harmful (and believe me, this series has a lot of it), but I was looking forward to seeing Nomura's gang of villains return for a multitude of other reasons. Kingdom Hearts II's Organization were notorious because, in a move that is at odds with every other aspect of this convoluted mess of a series—they were actually well written. Each had their own unique quirks and skills, owned a cool weapon, and were overall a fully fleshed out individual who you grew to loathe by the end of the game. Not only that, but as well as squaring off against them in battle as Sora, you would also learn to comprehend their own motivations, hopes, and dreams and the utter frustration they felt about being evil. Honestly, it was like a sitcom at times, especially in the Kingdom Hearts manga.

Unfortunately, in Kingdom Hearts III, the members are weak and add nothing to the story. Often they appear at inconvenient, random times to say a poorly translated, nonsensical quote before vanishing into a wisp of smoke. It’s almost as if they aren’t really enemies anymore. They play no real part in the storyline, and interact very little with the words or characters around them until the final few hours of gameplay when you face off against them three at a time, preventing any member from flourishing individually or showcasing their personality. Also, I said I wouldn’t mention the gameplay, but they’re easy as hell. Finally, I have one more problem with the new, reincarnated, supposedly "real" Organization XIII. None of the new members are given anagrammed names with Xs in, which was one of the original rules of being part of this elite group, surely! I even did it myself on a name generator back in 2008. Although, I guess this is somewhat excusable, as it becomes difficult when 90 percent of the new members are the same person. Which brings me to my next point.

Image via KH13

Too Many Xehanorts

Cast your mind back to Kingdom Hearts I. Ah, it was a simple life. Paopu fruits, and coconuts, and non-homoerotic best friend rivalry. Perhaps the words "darkness" and "hearts" were spoken too much, but things were at least understandable. Three kids were taken from their home and went on journeys across Disney worlds, before fighting—or in Kairi’s case—being saved from a tragic evil villain at the end; the personification of darkness. The plot was, for all intents and purposes, easy to follow. By Kingdom Hearts II, it had become a bit more repetitive, but was still enjoyable. But, by Kingdom Hearts III with the addition of multiple side games, the tortuous plot had become its own meme. There is just waaaay too much going on here.

Basically, Xehanort, the main villain from Kingdom Hearts I is back, but he’s actually the old guy–Master Xehanort–from Birth by Sleep. Didn’t play it? Too bad. Master Xehanort also possessed a boy called Terra, thus turning him into Terra-Xehanort, who in turn possessed a boy named Riku when he was a child, who is the same person that the OG Xehanort possessed in Kingdom Hearts I. When Xehanort died, he then created his nobody Xemnas, confusingly named after an entirely different person called Ansem. Xemnas–despite being killed in Kingdom Hearts II, is now back–and fighting alongside the other versions of himself, including OG Xehanort, Master Xehanort, Terranort, and a version of Riku that is a replica, but not the same replica, of Riku that lives inside actual Riku’s heart. And if that wasn’t enough, there’s also Young Xehanort, who has been taken from the past by Master Xehanort when he went back in time and decided to gather 10 versions of himself. And I don’t even know if that’s correct.

Confused yet? Me too. And apparently, so is Tetsuya Nomura himself. A major indication that it's time for him to drop the series entirely.

Image via twinfinite

Irritating Dialogue

With its script translated from Japanese, Kingdom Hearts dialogue has always left something to be desired. Half of the interactions don’t make sense, characters pause awkwardly before speaking, or change topic midway through conversations, and Donald and Goofy regularly make really weird noises. But by far the most irritating aspect of all Kingdom Hearts games–and III in particular–is the incessant, repetitive catchphrases.

In Kingdom Hearts II the main culprit was "Get up on the Hydra’s Back", a phrase shrieked by Phil from Hercules every few seconds during combat, instructing the player to mount the giant Hydra heartless that they are fighting against. Luckily, this was just for one battle, and we didn’t have to deal with it again, but it remains etched in our minds forever, haunting us in our sleep.

In Kingdom Hearts III, the phrase in question is "This might be a good spot to find some ingredients", a horrifying, ear-splitting sentence strung together by none other than Donald when gathering ingredients for the aforementioned Bistro, repeated every five minutes for the entirety of the game. Got it memorized? Yep, every time I go to buy groceries now, for the rest of my fucking life.

Image Via Tumblr

Poorly Written Female Characters

Gaming in 2019 still has a long way to go when it comes to female representation on screen, but there has undeniably been a huge leap in progress since 2002, with a plethora of games featuring strong female protagonists and playable characters. Sadly, Kingdom Hearts III has not kept up, and its female characters remain weakly written–just like in the first two games. They lack personality, rarely engage in intelligent conversation, and live their lives solely for the purpose of being saved by men when endangered. Like always, Kairi is the classic damsel in distress figure, and despite training to become a keyblade master herself, ultimately fails to do anything useful, and is rescued by Sora at the game’s close as he sacrifices himself. So chivalrous, I almost puked! Namine is hardly in this game, but once she is resurrected and given a vessel, the ending hints at a romantic relationship between her and Riku, nothing more. Xion serves no distinct purpose either–except to be exploited by the Organization–and critically we understand her emotions not by getting to know her, but by viewing their effect on Roxas and Axel. Aqua is undeniably the most developed female character, but even she needs to be rescued from the Realm of Darkness by Mickey and Riku, despite being an actual badass bitch who could beat them both in a fight. Sorry not sorry, Mickey.

And it’s not just the personalities of these women that are blank. It’s their relationships too. Despite being the supposed love interest, the chemistry between Sora and Kairi is devastatingly poor, with the duo barely interacting until the very end, in scenes that feel cold and forced. On the other hand, Sora and Riku’s relationship is far more intricate and well-developed, to the point where throughout all the games–not just Kingdom Hearts III–the heartfelt, emotional reunions are given to these two characters instead, solidifying, and consolidating their connection. It's no secret that many fans prefer to ship Sora and Riku together, and through observing their interactions, this ship is not only believable but would've been a great opportunity for some positive LGBTQ+ representation in gaming. But of course not, this is Disney after all, and Sora inevitably ends up with Kairi, leaving us with a poorly-written canonical straight relationship, and a well-written male 'friendship', used to strategically lure queer fans into playing the games. Do better Nomura!

Image via YouTube

I could go on and on, discussing so much more: the integration of side-games nobody played into the main story, the plot-armor of Donald and Goofy, the classic ‘main protagonist dies, and goes to a weird afterlife place before getting resurrected’ escapade–vehemently ripped off from Harry Potter. The unscrupulous advertising of Tetsuya Nomura’s side projects, and their interference with the Toy Story plot. The little chef mini-game. And of course, the entirety of Frozen, where Kingdom Hearts suddenly becomes a musical, because why not?! But I should probably cut Tetsuya Nomura some slack. It’s clear by his reluctance to create new characters, or even develop his existing ones that he was thoroughly sick of this game by the end, and wanted nothing more than for it to be over. Well, me too. I’m glad I stuck around for the ride, but now I’m officially out. If there is a Kingdom Hearts IV, I certainly will not be playing. I’ll be sat happily in the armchair of my retirement home, with a glass of wine and PS2 controller in hand, getting back up on that hydra’s back–with the horror of Kingdom Hearts III just a scattered dream, and a far off memory.

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About the Creator

Laura Holliday

Freelance writer & serial complainer. @LauraHday on Twitter.

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