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Don't Expect a Moan Every Time

Sex, Gaming, and Praise

Generally, men are pretty simple creatures when it comes to sex; women are the ones who complicate it with feelings, lingerie, toys, etc. Every man knows he’s doing something right in the bedroom by the reaction of his partner. And ladies, lets be honest, when he actually is doing something right, you let him know via a physical, verbal... or fake reaction—but we don’t tell them that last one. Besides, we’ve all been in the same position: he’s off balance with you, he’s going too slowly, he’s not hitting there… until he is.

Insert moan here. Finally, he knows he’s doing something right.

We’ve rewarded him with the praise he wanted at doing something good, just like we give a child a cookie when they deserve it. But this rewarding system has translated into the gaming aspect of their lives as well.

I am an active online gamer. I know, I know, it’s nerdy and a waste of time and a MAJOR distraction from life, but what can I say? I like it. However, being what they call a “Gamer Girl” (I hate that title) is not as fun as it seems.

Initially, it was fine because no one knew I was a girl. I kept it that way for a long time, actually, so people wouldn’t treat me differently. But as I started playing with these people for a long time and I got more comfortable, I went on voice communication servers with them. Most were surprised to find that I was a girl, and some accepted that and moved on—others didn’t.

When you’re the only girl in a call with ten other guys, it can get awkward at times. There’s always that one guy who won’t let it go that you’re a girl, and that consists of incessant flirting with you and hostile attitudes towards the other guys; there’s the one that you actually want to flirt with you (whether actually he does or not), there are a couple with girlfriends, and then there are the select few who treat you like a normal person. These small few are a blessing. They are the only ones who are there to play the game and typically just leave you alone. However, the major problem with all of them is that they definitely treat you differently than the other guys in their reactions to your play style.

Whenever I mess up, I’ve noticed that I get a LOT of shit for it. And I mean a lot. Any joke that they can make about it for the next week, they do. However, if the opposite happened and I hassled them about it for a week, I would be met with the equivalent attitudes of sullen teenagers. Either way, hounding on someone after they’ve messed up isn’t a good idea. Like during sex, do you yell at the guy if he finishes first? No, you tell them “it’s okay,” and hopefully you can fix it yourself later. It’s all about their ego. You don’t harp on them when they know they’ve messed up because they’re beating themselves up for it enough, and doing so during a game or during sex will make future… performances less enjoyable for you as well.

On the flip side, when I do well, I get met with, “we helped you and you got lucky.” Now, I don’t want them to mention this for a week like they do with my faults, just a simple “good job,” would suffice. However, that never happens. But when they do well, they want that praise for a week. Treating them like kings for the rest of the game would not suffice. The difference in treatment is astounding and I don’t think they are aware of it, to be honest.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the days where no one knew my gender and it would all be much less complicated. Everyone would reward or chastise each other in the same way and there wouldn’t be any differences. However, that’s just not the case; being a female in a male-dominated world is not only frustrating, it’s annoying at times, especially when they feel the need to be rewarded for every good deed and don’t give praise when needed. But don’t get me wrong, I definitely give them credit where it’s due, but I do not bow at their feet either. Yes, you did very well, but you’re getting neither a cookie nor a moan from me.  

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