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My Old Editorial Stash (Pt. 2)

An Archive of Pieces I Wrote that Probably Don't Hold Up Anymore, but I Chose to Share Anyway

Image via YouTube


Gaming's Many Mysteries: Toilet Hand Guy ('Zelda' Franchise)

"Pa-pa-pa-paper, please?"

F-f-f-first, can I get some answers....please?!

Toilet Hand Guy (I know he's called different things in these games, but for the sake of consistency, this is what I'm going with) is probably the one thing that makes the least sense about Zelda, and that's saying something.

Though to be honest, it's not really Toilet Hand Guy's origins that concern me, despite the fact that the character takes influence from Japanese horror stories involving hands in toilets that try to grab people sitting on them. I don't know guys, just roll with it.

Here's what actually concerns me: the fact he's even alive. Forget about eating - no really, please disregard it - how has he not contracted any diseases down there? Why hasn't he ever considered asking for help to get out of there? Come to think of it, why doesn't Link offer to get him out? I mean seriously, the dude wastes questing time on shooting galleries and fishing when his whole motif is about helping people in the first place.

Are the hands in the other games related to each other, and share some weird cursed fate? Did that all start with Phoeni, the young girl from Skyward Sword? And while we're on the topic, why was her hand detached from the rest of her body? Why does her hand choose to just chill in a toilet? Is this behavioural trait shared among the rest of them?

Until I get some answers, I won't stop waving my hand around annoyingly.

My Thoughts on the 'InuYasha' Movies

I saw all four movies years ago upon discovering that I could just watch them on those streaming sites (yes, I'm a late bloomer). I don't feel like rewatching them for the sake of a review though, as they frankly don't matter and I finished watching the actual series long ago.

Well actually, only one of them matters, and that's the third film—Swords of an Honourable Ruler. I like it because it's the only one I kind of consider canon, going into the backstory of InuYasha's parents, who are criminally underused in the series. You also see more character development with Sesshomaru, which is always welcomed, considering the anime always fell short of the manga in that regard.

Of the four films, its art style is the best, nearly matching the anime's. And from what I remember, everyone seemed to be in character. I feel like this could've flown well with the anime as a filler episode(s).

The other ones, on the other hand, are terrible. None of the characters act like themselves; the art style is ugly; the pacing is choppy; the transitions are awkward; and on top of all this, the stories don't fit at all, not even as non-canon material. They're just a jarring, confusing mess, a total departure from the official narrative.

I remember, in one of the films, Naraku faked his death and for some reason, there was a random villainess involved. In another film, the gang has to help this group of kids on an island, or something or other—and I just don't care.

Aside from Swords of an Honourable Ruler, don't waste your time on these films, especially since they have nothing to do with the actual anime and manga. If you're really curious though, you can get them for cheap on Steam. Proceed with caution; don't say I didn't warn you.

Thoughts on a 'Date with Markiplier: Choose Your Own Adventure'

A couple of years ago, Markiplier and his friends came up with this idea to string together videos in a parodical "choose your own adventure"-type narrative involving a potential budding romance with Mark himself, action, suspense, aliens, horror, and self-aware, hilarious shenanigans.

There are ten endings you can get based on your choices, which you make at the end of each video by clicking on whichever annotation you want to proceed to the next video. Some choices are good, some are bad, and others are just plain surreal. There will also be several in-jokes and Easter eggs; to you, Markimoo fans, see if you can recognize them all.

People have posted guides for the game, but I personally don't think you'd need them. I got all the endings myself, and only looked at guides afterward to check if I was missing anything.

If I had any hints to offer, I'd say to actually wait until near the end of each video to listen to Mark's ramblings. He'll sometimes say something that'll get you to consider whether one option will be better than the other. Really take them into consideration, and use your best judgment. Pause the video you're on if you have to. The video thumbnails might also serve as indicators of whether you're making the desirable choice or not.

Before I sign off, yes, I'm counting this as a game. You're actively impacting yours and Mark's fate, after all.

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My Old Editorial Stash (Pt. 2)
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