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The 5 Most Impractical Clothing Choices Worn in Survival Horror Games

Nothing says "survive the zombie apocalypse" like a sweetheart neckline and red pumps.

By CD TurnerPublished 5 years ago 8 min read
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Ada "No, Really, I Swear I'm an FBI Agent" Wong from Resident Evil 2 Remake

Feminine clothing is a hot-button issue... well, practically in all topical conversations. But this isn't an article to discuss sexism, though it might be mentioned once or twice. No, what I'm talking about is the sheer impracticality of some clothing choices, with both female AND male characters.

I know what you're thinking, "Does it really MATTER what the characters are wearing?!"

Yes. Yes, it does. Because in horror games, we're supposed to be relating to the protagonist in their struggle to combat the evils going on before them; therefore, wearing a skin-tight outfit or see-through clothing takes us out of the immersion.

Men aren't exempt from this trope, though they tend to have more believable clothing for whatever situation they're currently experiencing. In The Evil Within, Sebastian's vest and dress shirt combo were magically imbued with blood-resistant fibers. He literally slid down a serial killer's idea of a water-park ride into a pool of blood and his immaculate white shirt was no worse for wear. You could argue that the blood wasn't real because of the mind-melding consciousness simulation machine, but then why do I keep really dying? Speaking of The Evil Within, when you're playing the DLC, The Assignment, you're playing Kidman who's wearing what I can only describe as quasi-fetish detective clothes, complete with a white shirt over a black bra. I'm no fashionista, but that is just an obvious no-no.

So, without further ado, let's countdown the five most impractical clothing choices worn in survival horror games.

5. A Dress

Because this is proper attire for an agent. (Jill Valentine, Resident Evil 3)

So, you're halfway through watching an opera, on a date, or sitting for jury duty when the apocalypse breaks out. What's the most important thing to do to avoid getting taken over from the evil zombie/demon hordes? Not changing your clothes, apparently. Jill Valentine is not only wearing a dress but a strapless dress. Okay, technically it looks like a halter top and skirt, but it could be a dress. It seems like if you were trying to stave off being bitten and infected, you would try to show as little flesh as possible. No, this isn't for modesty, it's for survival. If you're constantly escaping from a big monster brute, you don't want to be caught tugging up your halter top for the 983rd time.

If I may step upon the feminist soapbox for a moment, why are some feminine characters constantly stuck in dresses and skirts? I mean, if you are a woman (or a man, or any gender you wish to be acknowledged as) and you love to wear a dress or skirt, go for it. But there are times when wearing mini-skirts is greatly impractical, like when it's so cold that it's damn near Antarctica weather or when flesh-hungry zombies want to chew the silky skin from your bones.

"Oh, but we wanted to express her femininity by putting her in a dress."

Listen, ya fuckboy "nice guy," fedora-wearing lump of pretentiousness, in a world where carnivorous brain-eaters are hunting for untainted flesh, they aren't going to care how well a woman fills out a pencil skirt.

4. A Wetsuit

Diving into the cold depths? Better bring my shortest wetsuit... (Lara Croft, Tomb Raider: Underworld)

Tomb Raider: Underworld is technically not survival horror, but it was, in some respects, still a horror. The main campaign was really short, just like this wetsuit she wears to dive into the ocean. You know why scuba divers on television are decked out in a full wetsuit including the legs? Because it's fucking cold in deep ocean water. Yet, later on in the campaign, you can choose this scantily clad wetsuit to dive into an icy ocean. You can very nearly see Lara's...tomb opening in this get-up.

I've always had my contentions with Lara's clothing choices since the very first Tomb Raider on the original Playstation. No, I didn't care about the radical feminists claiming that Lara Croft isn't a believable feminine character because of her impossible proportions, I worried about her knees. Yes, her knees. She climbs up rock walls with ease and shimmies across crevices. She's nearly always wearing shorts in all of her incarnations, so I have to wonder just how much chafing is happening to her knees and substantially large breasts. Have you ever considered that maybe she's not a believable feminine character because her abilities come off as superhuman? No, I'm not serious. ...Or am I?

3. Short Skirts

Ashley Graham, Resident Evil 4

Why does it seem every Japanese game has a mechanic where you can see up women's skirts? Somehow, it just seems disingenuous to promote a feminine character as much more than her physical attributes but then have them flash their underwear every time they fall down. This is coming from a bisexual woman, mind you, but maybe I just prefer women that consent to me staring at their... assets and who aren't weirdly dressed chimpanzees that scream at me every time their stupid ass gets dragged away by zombie Spaniards.

This trope becomes all the more unsettling in Fatal Frame because the characters are barely older than fifteen. I understand that your laws are different, Japan, but that doesn't mean it's any less creepy. I'm trying to get my horror on, but you insist on filling my screen with jail-bait. I wanted to be horrified by ghosties but now I'm wondering about the hobbies of the game developers. Probably playing RapeLay. Don't look that up. Just don't. You can't anyway, it's been banned from practically all corners of the Internet.

One female character I absolutely love wears a short skirt, Heather Mason from Silent Hill 3. In a way, the short skirt adds to the horror of that game because most of the scares are manifestations of her fears, including pregnancy, childbirth, and rape. But she was a teenager strolling through the mall when a demon-filled hellscape erupted, trapping her within the horror until she finds her way out. Silent Hill 3 subverts the idea of voyeurism and perversion by making both concepts utterly horrifying and depraved. So, let the record show that I don't have a vendetta against women wearing skirts, I have a problem with game developers over-sexualizing the women wearing skirts because they're wearing skirts.

2. Lingerie

Kaine, Nier

You think having to fight off monsters would tell you that you need to wear something damage resistant, something you don't mind getting blood and filth on. But in the race to be provocative, game developers will dress their characters in highly questionable outfits. Nier from Nier himself has a bandage thing over his face. Maybe he's super self-conscious about his lazy eye or landed face first in a waffle maker as a child. But you soon forget about Nier's outfit when you meet Kaine, a woman who looks like she dressed herself by blowing up a window curtain shop.

I would have put some characters from Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter because some of the things they're wearing are purposefully fetish fuel, but those aren't survival horrors. Also, the men in Street Fighter look like the Michelin Man took steroids. Speaking of fighting games and strange stripper-iffic outfits, Bayonetta was featured in some of the latest Super Smash Bros. games. Considering the fact that her outfit is made out of her literal hair, I could hardly believe they could pull it up since most of her moves involve sexualized movements, pole dancing, and BDSM torture of her opponents.

These are all well and good for their respective genres, but survival horror is meant to have hints of realism, otherwise, it's not convincing as a horror game. Nier isn't a survival horror like Silent Hill is, but it has its horror elements and such isn't adequately portrayed when you have half-naked characters gallivanting in leather bustiers.

1. Heels, Pumps, Stilettos

Kidman, The Evil Within DLC: The Assignment

The most aggravating part of The Evil Within's DLC, The Assignment, was Julie Kidman's ridiculous outfit. Are police detectives even allowed to wear heels while on assignment? The mind-numbing sound of her heels clicking as she runs just makes you think... "Why?!" Why are you wearing heels?

"CD, you do know there are marathons where women run in heels?"

Well, that's their own fucking idiotic fault, isn't it?

"Oh, I snapped my ankle because I was running in my heels." GOOD. Maybe you'll LEARN FROM THIS and not do something stupid like RUNNING IN HEELS.

Events where wearing heels is fine:

  • Dressing business casual for work
  • Having dinner with your significant other at a fancy restaurant
  • Dancing around a pole with tassels hanging off your nipples. gettin' that money
  • Just wanting to be a sexy bitch that gives out no apologies on your own time

Events where wearing heels is NOT fine:

  • When you're working around dangerous chemicals, infectious body fluids, and heavy objects
  • Doing that weird massage thing by walking on a client's back...seriously, that's attempted manslaughter
  • When you're on an assignment where you have to RUN and ESCAPE from dangerous enemies

Demons and manifestations of a serial killer's consciousness don't give a shit that your heels make your butt look good. Yes, they do make your butt look good, because thigh meat is the best part of a kill.

Uh...take a look at my social media? Thanks.

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About the Creator

CD Turner

I write stories and articles. Sometimes they're good.

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