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If Pablo Picasso had painted eight pieces of the exact same subject and background, and tried to profit off a museum full of just that same painting over and over again, he'd be forcibly committed, or at least decommissioned. So why are game developers getting away with it? How many fucking Mario clones are going to spawn from Nintendo-like eggs from a salmon? But it's not just the game developers, it's the publishers. Electronic Arts (EA) is allowed to release the same damn sports games every year, but even the most promising new idea discussed in a business meeting is squashed in favor of another Assassin's Creed, another Far Cry game, another Call of Duty.
Hey, Konami, to think of all the revenue you could be making now off that Silent Hills game you canceled—even more than the goddamn gambling games you made out of Silent Hill 2. Though I can think of no better metaphor for what you've done to the franchise. And EA, I don't even want to get started on your massacre of The Sims' integrity, but alas, this is what the list is for. So, without further ado, let's countdown the Top 5 Most Overrated Games of the Recent Decade.
5. Five Nights at Freddy's
From the start, the game didn't interest me. Sure, I liked watching YouTubers getting freaked out by the mechanical puppet creatures, but its scares were a bit too shallow for me to care. Maybe it's just because I'm dead inside or maybe it's because it's been overdone to death. Did there really need to be three more games after the first? If it's one thing I find disturbing, it's the fanbase. People are making erotic fanfiction off these characters. Look, I don't care what oils your gears, puppets or furry costumes, I just hate that horror gaming has been reduced to cheap jump scares and mechanical puppet porn.
4. Battle Royale games: Public's Unknown Battleground, Fortnite
I'm going to get railed for this, I just know. But I still remember when Minecraft Hunger Games challenges were flooding the YouTube front-page. Now the same thing's happening with these games and with two games of similar genre—there's a flame war between Fortnite and PUBG that is about as useless as a Republican-run Senate. Maybe I'm not the best person to review such a genre, because I hate other people and despise how every fucking game has to be multiplayer. You know what I do to escape other people? Play video games. Alone. I don't particularly relax when I'm constantly being hunted down for my meager supply of rocks and one pair of jeans.
3. The Sims 4
I thought the point of a sequel was an improvement on the previous titles, and yet the base game of The Sims 4 has even fewer options than The Sims 2 base game did. There weren't even pools that I could drown my victim sims in, what a rip-off! The stuff packs that they released were even more insulting. You want us to pay extra for ghosts and pools when the base game The Sims 3 had it all at launch? What do you take me for, a Konami pachislot machine? Not even mods can make this game any less insufferably broken. The time-speed controls are still utterly and unbearably slow. I am not going to wait for two real minutes for my sim to take a shower or a shit! Buzz off, EA. Go back to your golden castle full of money and drown in your champagne fountain!
2. Call of Duty
How many reiterations can you make of "soldiers kill the bad guys" before you learn that soldiers do, indeed, kill bad guys? Well, except for those missions where you kill innocent citizens in airports. Seriously, I play games to have fun, not be forced to imitate international terrorism. I played Call of Duty: WWII and it turned into a stupid rescue mission halfway through. So what if there's kids hiding away in Nazi cellars, I got places to be. Which one are we on now? Sniper Wasteland Ghostnuts or something like that? Oh, that's something else entirely. Shows you how much I've cared for the series. I only bought WWII because I have a very strange fascination with the Second World War, almost so that by all means I should be a 65-year-old man. If you do like war games, then you'll probably buy it, so whatever. You want to pay 70 dollars a pop for basically the same game, then be my guest.
But the fact that the upcoming sequel, Black Ops 4 (yes, see, I did look it up this time!), is named as such means Activision is in a rut so deep we'll need to send a spelunking team after them. At least after I've dumped these bottles of bleach and laundry detergent into the crevice. The Zombies mode seems to be more popular the main campaign and you'll never fucking guess who they got to voice act in WWII's Zombie story: David Tennant! But I can't help but feel this is less of a cameo and more of an attempt to murder my wallet, Activision. I still bought it because I'm a weak bitch. Also, did you see that huge zombie monstrosity in the Zombies story made of other zombies? That actually made me utter a gleeful, "What the actual fuck?" But if the DLC is more appealing than the actual campaign, then I believe that's a bit of a failure, don't you think?
1. Assassin's Creed
I played the original Assassin's Creed, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, Revelations, 3, and a bit of Black Flag, and honestly, 3 is where I lost my ambition to play another one. I didn't like the boat mechanics, it was like trying to steer a buttered pig on bath salts. The story wasn't compelling me, either. After Revelations, it just turned into dudes (and a dudette) finding out their Assassins and killing tyrants. I thought Origins at least added some new scenery, and you could climb up the Great Pyramids and go into tombs.
But the latest, Odyssey, just seems like it's going down a history timeline. I can imagine the game devs going to the Smithsonian and throwing a dart to get their inspiration now. What's next? Assassin's Creed: Braveheart? Can we get Assassin's punching the hell out of WWII Nazis? Or maybe a far-future America where robot tyrants have taken over the government. You know, like definitely what is not happening right now.